Part 6: Episode Three: Lytton HEAT!
Let's roll.
You are not going to say that at the beginning of each update. This is not a request.Spoilsport.
So we're just going to cruise around randomly looking for people to bust now?
Again, this is basically my job, yes. You're free to stop playing whenever you like.
No, that's cool. This driving is... cool.
Cool in a way which has almost gotten me killed about a dozen times now.Those walls were asking for it. That's what they get for being so... rectangular.
...Those dirty quadrilaterals. Mocking me. Taunting me with their parallel sides and right angles.
OK, now you're just messing with me.Pretty much, yeah. Should have seen your face for a second there.
...Well, not literally. It's only about eight pixels wide.
It says sixteen!No, I, uh... I doubled it.
You did WHAT? What did you do to my face?
Hey, look, it's time to meet Steve!
We're not done discussing this.
Look, he already beat us there!
Nobody gets to the coffee before Steve. Nobody. Did you at least maintain the proper aspect ratio on my head when you stretched it without my consent?
Let it go, Sonny.
It's my head!It suits you. Takes ten years off.
These two places right here pretty much power the entire police force.And most of the rest of America.
OK, remember where we parked....
That was a joke.You should probably leave that kind of thing to me.
We're going to be spending a lot of time together on this assignment. Just trying to bond a little.I didn't know you were into that. That explains that whole handcuff thing.
...let's just go meet Steve for coffee.
So, is Steve the top or the b-
Oh my God do not even complete that thought. You've met the guy.Yeah, alright.
I want to talk to my partner for a bit here. I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of it. Okay?Fine, fine. I'll just amuse myself with some Suzanne Vega.
Uh, whatever you say.
At least it's just caffeine.I am sitting in the morning at the diner on the corner
Hey, Steve.
You doing okay?
Yeah, not bad.I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour the coffee and he fills it only halfway and before I even argue he is looking out the window at somebody coming in
Thanks, Carol. I really needed this one. Yeah, you don't seem to be having the best day so far. Boy! It sounded over the air like you had a real mess on your hands at that 187 scene! It WAS a mess, Steve. The inside of the guy's head was all over his dashboard."It is always nice to see you" says the man behind the counter to the woman who has come in, she is shaking her umbrella and I look the other way as they are kissing their hellos
Tell me about it. I don't know what's been going on lately. Town's getting bigger, Sonny. New money everywhere, and legit business isn't the only thing that brings in. I know, I know. You just never expect to see it here, you know?I open up the paper; there's a story of an actor who had died while he was drinking it was no one I had heard of
Bet you were wishing that was a little stronger right now. Maybe later. I'm still on duty.There's a woman on the outside looking inside, does she see me? No she does not
really see me 'cause she sees her own reflection
OK, what the hell is that? Just... try to ignore him. Let's talk about the weather or something.
Sure has. But when isn't it?Oh, this rain it will continue through the morning as I'm listening to the bells of the cathedral... I am thinking of your voice...
Carol posted:
Carol yells at you from across the room. "Officer Bonds, there's a Detective Hamilton on the phone for you."
Telephone posted:
You take the phone and hear, "Bonds, this is Detective Hamilton. We identified the 187 victim in the car as Lonny West, a local small-time drug dealer. Believe it or not, he's the second small-timer to get his ticket punched in the last two weeks."
"I just wanted you to know about West since you worked the scene. Gotta run, got another call waiting. Don't spend the whole day drinking coffee!"
Bye...
Click!
Hey, movement on the case!
It's not our case. And right now I'm more concerned with the movement in my bladder.
I cannot believe you just made me watch that.
You think about that next time you feel like singing Tom's Diner at a guy.
Gonna get back to it, Steve. 10-4, Sonny. Catch you later.
Honestly, I can't take you anywhere.Not like you have a choice.
Yeah, thanks for reminding me.Hey, it's not so bad. At least you have someone to talk to.
If that's what I wanted, I'd join a K-9 unit.Ouch. That stings, Sonny.
It would probably smell better, too.Come on, you can't smell me from all the way in there. Although I guess your nose IS half as big as your face.
Oh, ha-ha, another crack about the resolution. Aren't we original.
Your mom is original.
That doesn't even make sense! What is wrong with you?
Aching?
For some reason I seem to have a lot of extra pent-up aggression right now! Can't think why that would be!
Did you just see...
Hot damn! You know what this means. It's time.It is? Really?
Yes. Turn on the sirens. Turn on the lights. It's time for... CODE THREE.CODE THREE ENGAGED. BEGINNING OPERATION IN THREE.. TWO... ONE...
The chase ended all too soon. Forces of Law and Order: 1. Miscreant: 0.Miscreant? I mean, the car ran a red light, sure, but...
Running a red light is safe 95% of the time. It's that other 5% that'll kill you. Or someone else.Jesus. Okay, okay, let's go deal with the, uh, miscreant.
Car posted:
Well, well. Just what every poor, little, rich girl needs; a little red sports car.
Of course it's a red car.
Isn't it always?
Radio posted:
Dispatch returns with the information you requested. "'OHMYMG' is currently registered to Helen Hots. No wants."
"Helen Hots"? Seriously?
Take it up with her parents.
Your Libido posted:
The young lady has a smile that could melt the polar ice caps, beautiful flashing eyes, gorgeous hair, and her unbuttoned blouse makes it obvious she has nothing to hide!
Why, yes. Al Lowe DID work on this game.
Who?Leisure Suit Larry... never mind.
The only person with a full-face portrait posted:
"My name is Helen. Helen Hots," she says as heat detectors go off for miles around. "What's yours, Handsome?"
Good day, Ma'am. I'm Officer Sonny Bonds.Someone clearly not wearing a bra posted:
In a soft, seductive voice she murmurs, "Why, officer! I'm just sure I didn't do anything wrong."
The sort of woman lonely programmers dream up posted:
"I'm truly sorry, sir. Is there anything I can do to convince you to let me off? And, I DO mean anything?"
Sonny, I wouldn't blame you.
Not going to happen.
Gyrate Court? Come on, really?
It's right off of Icantbelievethisshit Drive.The obviously correct solution to this puzzle posted:
You carefully fill in all the necessary information on the citation.
I'm telling you, man. Quotas.
Lots of people used to believe the world was flat, too.Actually, the ancient Greeks proved that the world was round thousands of y-
You know what I mean.A curiously antiquated drug user posted:
"Guys like you make me want a big dip of snuff! You never give a decent girl a break! You just hassle people!"
You hand her the ticket book and your pen. "Please sign at the 'X,' Ma'am," you politely instruct her.
She hands your ticket book back and suggests with a sarcastic smile, "Why don't you shove that pen where the sun don't shine, Officer? 'Mommy and Daddy,' really!"
I tried to tell you that pen was a bit silly.
And I tried to tell you not to talk about my parents.
Isn't stopping her.
You don't meet people at their best when you're stopping them for traffic violations.
You have the best job ever, Sonny.
Tell me about it.
What a charming young woman.
I should invite her 'round for tea and crumpets.OK, I admit it, I laughed a little bit that time.
See, we're totally bonding.Honestly, Sonny, you're a great guy but I don't swing that way.
Next time on Police Quest: Dinner and Drinks!
Not Dinner and Drinks of Death or something like that?Would you prefer it that way?
No.See, I was totally trying to be nice. But now it's going to be that.
Next time on Police Quest: Dinner and Drinks... of DEATH!
